Source: Reddit (Credit: DCaplinger, Original Story). — He declared a mistrial, held both the defendant and juror in contempt, and explained that now there would have to be a new trial with a new jury. Funny moments in the court room enjoy!! I can see the letter she’s given me is from an insurance company, but she is unable to answer any of my questions so I don’t know how I can help her. Sheryl A. Sanford, a partner at Black Marjieh & Sanford LLP, has done quite a bit of criminal defense, which has led to some rather funny scenarios. Something isn’t right. Our courthouse is in the middle of the city and is several storeys high. The kid could drive. According to the thermal strip, the liquid is close to 106 degrees F. As an EMT, I know that this would usually be a fatal body temperature, or at the absolute easiest, the person would be so feverish that they would not be able to hold their legs beneath them to stand. Unfortunately for him, my mother does her research. Lawyer: “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”. See more ideas about humor, lawyer jokes, lawyer humor. For example, a man charged with speeding actually told Judge Caprio that he didn’t realize he was speeding because he was wearing a stiff, new pair of shoes and couldn’t feel how hard he was pressing on the gas. The surgeon grafted skin from George’s chest onto his hand… except George had a hairy chest…so now he had a hairy hand as well. For example, here’s how Justice Goldberg (a federal appeals court judge in Texas) began his 1986 opinion in the case of United States v. Batson: Some farmers from Gaines had a plan. ALMIGHTY GOD. Throughout the week, he falls into the same routine: court in the morning and work in the afternoon. Not even business casual. He pulls out what appears to be a normal male appendage and starts to free urine into the cup. She also had to pay her parking ticket…obviously. He knew that such kits usually come back under temp, so he had it suspended in a half cup of coffee until he finally took it out and strapped it to his leg before entering the courtroom. Mostly, they need a version of the official verdict that they can take with them — the original always stays in the archives — e.g. “Is there something you want to say?” Judge Caprio asked the man. provided Ozols and his team with videos, which went to an intern to review. Nevertheless, the guy insisted on making the claim, and the day of the trial, he came to court dressed in dirty work clothes and testified he worked as a landscaper and barely made ends meet mowing lawns for a living. Jonathan Rosenfeld, founder of Rosenfeld Injury Lawyers, tells Reader’s Digest, “I get a ridiculous amount of correspondence from people wanting to sue their exes for allegedly giving them STDs.” Oh? For example, one time a guy came in for a hearing on a parking ticket. While it may be true that there were some activities she could no longer perform, a private investigator unearthed a treasure trove of professional adult films the woman had shot since the accident, proving there’s performing, and then there’s performing, and this woman was performing just fine, apparently. In a trial in the heart of the South, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly woman he had known since childhood, to … “I always tell them it’s difficult to prove they contracted it from a specific person, and their response is almost inevitably to send me a photo of the affected area.” As if that would establish the connection!? I raise a shaky hand to the hotel across the way, which does not have frosted or tinted windows, and the very large, naked man doing Zumba. But there’s no such thing; it’s about something completely unrelated. We're … Because he wanted to know exactly when he would die and how… as if the expert were a psychic and not an actuary. Why? One day, a little old lady shuffles into our office, and when I ask what I can help her with, she pushes forward an envelope and says, “Letter.” She has an obvious accent, but that’s nothing new, and usually, I can work around the fact that people might not speak Dutch very well. He kind of laughed me off, but I was 100% deadly serious. Not only was the sign clear on that, but the woman said she typically parked legally in an adjacent spot. It did not go well. Back to the Index of Best Funny Short Stories. On this particular occasion, the person on trial is a “Freeman-On-The-Land,” a person who claims that no English law save “common law” is valid. The man claimed he’d meant to park for just a moment to go into a restaurant to bring his mother a glass of water (she was dehydrated, he explained). Speaking of funny judges, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina had us in tears when she told us about an exotic dancer who, having pleaded guilty on a drug charge, was sentenced to wearing an ankle monitor. Another time, she received an urgent message from a prisoner at Rikers. Guilty as charged! “Actually, yes,” the man replied. The problem, however, wasn’t that she couldn’t locate the father. Sanford’s partner at BMS, Lisa J. Just this once. I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. Long Tour of Duty. Seriously, kid, you should think about making an honest career as a racecar driver.”. Again, she seems happy and leaves. She had to, hm? And since the justices are human beings just like us, they can't help but call it out when they see it. I became very familiar with the young man well before I ever met him. So far so good… until his lawyer showed up. Lawyer: “My client would like to change his plea to guilty. The lawyer hands it to my mother, who gives it a look. Lauren is also an author of crime fiction; her first full-length manuscript, The Trust Game, was short-listed for the 2017 CLUE Award for emerging talent in the genre of suspense fiction. He knows when he’s beat!”, “The verdict will be tomorrow, and then I’ll be free to discuss everything and answer all your questions.”, “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”, “Well, that’s not robins-egg blue paper, is it? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. If you don’t laugh at these lawyer jokes, you might be held in contempt! The client obliged…he showed up the next day wearing a huge clown tie! He argues the search was illegal because with his buttery smooth leather jacket, there's no way the officer would have felt the drugs in his pocket during a pat down, so he shouldn't have reached in the pocket to find the drugs in the first place. On this particular day, he knows he is going to be drug tested (by me), which includes me physically having to watch him pee into a cup, on the side of which is a thermometer strip. Here are some smart tips for fighting parking tickets. Voir dire, the process of jury selection, isn’t always “funny,” but here’s an exception. I try suggesting she come back with a translator, but of course, she doesn’t seem to understand that, either. The temperature of the fluid is not body temperature, at least not a normal one. So this week, we’d like to ask you: What are your funniest and weirdest stories … .. Only in America! In the “Only in Rhode Island,” category, Caprio tells Reader’s Digest that everyone knows everyone in the tiny New England state, and sometimes it gets super awkward. Just a few days after sentencing, however, the woman was back in the courtroom, seeking an exception because the ankle monitor was kind of “ruining her vibe” at the strip club. Olivia on March 07, 2017: I couldn't stop reading this was so funny No wonder the Third World countries think we are nuts :-) More funny jokes are listed on the left hand side or listed in the Jokes page. However, there are incidents inside the courtroom that are unexpectedly funny. On the horrible dirt roads we have in this county, you still drive ’em like you’re Dale Earnhardt. This one time, an elderly woman raised her hand and volunteered she’d worked there as a secretary, albeit decades ago.”. For example, she once received a Christmas card with a puppy dog…from a Bloods gang member. James Gray Robinson, a third generation trial attorney and self-proclaimed “cattle enthusiast,” was once hired by an insurance company to defend a farmer who was being sued for rear-ending a vehicle…with a bull, thus putting a whole new meaning to the notion of rear-ending. One of the other jurors had been shopping in town that evening, saw the defendant, and in spite of being told not to discuss the case, decided to discuss the case with him, in full view of everyone in the shop! I decide to make her the most common document mostly used for insurance cases and she seems happy with it, so I think that’s that. Imagine how everyone was obliged to remain calm and orderly during the exchange. . These hilarious real life exchanges recorded by court reporters are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History. Pretty out-there exchanges with her criminal defense clients as well have made h... 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