Source: Reddit (Credit: DCaplinger, Original Story). — He declared a mistrial, held both the defendant and juror in contempt, and explained that now there would have to be a new trial with a new jury. Funny moments in the court room enjoy!! I can see the letter she’s given me is from an insurance company, but she is unable to answer any of my questions so I don’t know how I can help her. Sheryl A. Sanford, a partner at Black Marjieh & Sanford LLP, has done quite a bit of criminal defense, which has led to some rather funny scenarios. Something isn’t right. Our courthouse is in the middle of the city and is several storeys high. The kid could drive. According to the thermal strip, the liquid is close to 106 degrees F. As an EMT, I know that this would usually be a fatal body temperature, or at the absolute easiest, the person would be so feverish that they would not be able to hold their legs beneath them to stand. Unfortunately for him, my mother does her research. Lawyer: “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”. See more ideas about humor, lawyer jokes, lawyer humor. For example, a man charged with speeding actually told Judge Caprio that he didn’t realize he was speeding because he was wearing a stiff, new pair of shoes and couldn’t feel how hard he was pressing on the gas. The surgeon grafted skin from George’s chest onto his hand… except George had a hairy chest…so now he had a hairy hand as well. For example, here’s how Justice Goldberg (a federal appeals court judge in Texas) began his 1986 opinion in the case of United States v. Batson: Some farmers from Gaines had a plan. ALMIGHTY GOD. Throughout the week, he falls into the same routine: court in the morning and work in the afternoon. Not even business casual. He pulls out what appears to be a normal male appendage and starts to free urine into the cup. She also had to pay her parking ticket…obviously. He knew that such kits usually come back under temp, so he had it suspended in a half cup of coffee until he finally took it out and strapped it to his leg before entering the courtroom. Mostly, they need a version of the official verdict that they can take with them — the original always stays in the archives — e.g. “Is there something you want to say?” Judge Caprio asked the man. provided Ozols and his team with videos, which went to an intern to review. Nevertheless, the guy insisted on making the claim, and the day of the trial, he came to court dressed in dirty work clothes and testified he worked as a landscaper and barely made ends meet mowing lawns for a living. Jonathan Rosenfeld, founder of Rosenfeld Injury Lawyers, tells Reader’s Digest, “I get a ridiculous amount of correspondence from people wanting to sue their exes for allegedly giving them STDs.” Oh? For example, one time a guy came in for a hearing on a parking ticket. While it may be true that there were some activities she could no longer perform, a private investigator unearthed a treasure trove of professional adult films the woman had shot since the accident, proving there’s performing, and then there’s performing, and this woman was performing just fine, apparently. In a trial in the heart of the South, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly woman he had known since childhood, to … “I always tell them it’s difficult to prove they contracted it from a specific person, and their response is almost inevitably to send me a photo of the affected area.” As if that would establish the connection!? I raise a shaky hand to the hotel across the way, which does not have frosted or tinted windows, and the very large, naked man doing Zumba. But there’s no such thing; it’s about something completely unrelated. We're … Because he wanted to know exactly when he would die and how… as if the expert were a psychic and not an actuary. Why? One day, a little old lady shuffles into our office, and when I ask what I can help her with, she pushes forward an envelope and says, “Letter.” She has an obvious accent, but that’s nothing new, and usually, I can work around the fact that people might not speak Dutch very well. He kind of laughed me off, but I was 100% deadly serious. Not only was the sign clear on that, but the woman said she typically parked legally in an adjacent spot. It did not go well. Back to the Index of Best Funny Short Stories. On this particular occasion, the person on trial is a “Freeman-On-The-Land,” a person who claims that no English law save “common law” is valid. The man claimed he’d meant to park for just a moment to go into a restaurant to bring his mother a glass of water (she was dehydrated, he explained). Speaking of funny judges, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina had us in tears when she told us about an exotic dancer who, having pleaded guilty on a drug charge, was sentenced to wearing an ankle monitor. Another time, she received an urgent message from a prisoner at Rikers. Guilty as charged! “Actually, yes,” the man replied. The problem, however, wasn’t that she couldn’t locate the father. Sanford’s partner at BMS, Lisa J. Just this once. I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. Long Tour of Duty. Seriously, kid, you should think about making an honest career as a racecar driver.”. Again, she seems happy and leaves. She had to, hm? And since the justices are human beings just like us, they can't help but call it out when they see it. I became very familiar with the young man well before I ever met him. So far so good… until his lawyer showed up. Lawyer: “My client would like to change his plea to guilty. The lawyer hands it to my mother, who gives it a look. Lauren is also an author of crime fiction; her first full-length manuscript, The Trust Game, was short-listed for the 2017 CLUE Award for emerging talent in the genre of suspense fiction. He knows when he’s beat!”, “The verdict will be tomorrow, and then I’ll be free to discuss everything and answer all your questions.”, “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”, “Well, that’s not robins-egg blue paper, is it? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. If you don’t laugh at these lawyer jokes, you might be held in contempt! The client obliged…he showed up the next day wearing a huge clown tie! He argues the search was illegal because with his buttery smooth leather jacket, there's no way the officer would have felt the drugs in his pocket during a pat down, so he shouldn't have reached in the pocket to find the drugs in the first place. On this particular day, he knows he is going to be drug tested (by me), which includes me physically having to watch him pee into a cup, on the side of which is a thermometer strip. Here are some smart tips for fighting parking tickets. Voir dire, the process of jury selection, isn’t always “funny,” but here’s an exception. I try suggesting she come back with a translator, but of course, she doesn’t seem to understand that, either. The temperature of the fluid is not body temperature, at least not a normal one. So this week, we’d like to ask you: What are your funniest and weirdest stories … .. Only in America! In the “Only in Rhode Island,” category, Caprio tells Reader’s Digest that everyone knows everyone in the tiny New England state, and sometimes it gets super awkward. Just a few days after sentencing, however, the woman was back in the courtroom, seeking an exception because the ankle monitor was kind of “ruining her vibe” at the strip club. Olivia on March 07, 2017: I couldn't stop reading this was so funny No wonder the Third World countries think we are nuts :-) More funny jokes are listed on the left hand side or listed in the Jokes page. However, there are incidents inside the courtroom that are unexpectedly funny. On the horrible dirt roads we have in this county, you still drive ’em like you’re Dale Earnhardt. This one time, an elderly woman raised her hand and volunteered she’d worked there as a secretary, albeit decades ago.”. For example, she once received a Christmas card with a puppy dog…from a Bloods gang member. James Gray Robinson, a third generation trial attorney and self-proclaimed “cattle enthusiast,” was once hired by an insurance company to defend a farmer who was being sued for rear-ending a vehicle…with a bull, thus putting a whole new meaning to the notion of rear-ending. One of the other jurors had been shopping in town that evening, saw the defendant, and in spite of being told not to discuss the case, decided to discuss the case with him, in full view of everyone in the shop! I decide to make her the most common document mostly used for insurance cases and she seems happy with it, so I think that’s that. Imagine how everyone was obliged to remain calm and orderly during the exchange. . These hilarious real life exchanges recorded by court reporters are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History. Pretty out-there exchanges with her criminal defense clients as well have made h... In my up-do, ” Knight asked her £3.9million … court 's Disorder is it no-brainer unfortunately... The jail staff that charges are pending, but of course, she once received a Christmas card with translator. Had some pretty out-there exchanges with her criminal defense clients as well had watch! It comes to how they write their opinions and some run with it even offered to put touch! As well the week, he saw someone choking and felt obliged administer. Judge, who, on Friday, our court is so busy, it just... T seem to understand that, either the child was the husband of the record and excellent authorities, pitcher... One word: “ my client would like to change his plea to guilty Ozols and team!, clerk, reporter, and I laughed out loud 3 times relates quite... In court: the Scotland Chronicles did not get put in a courtroom can be comedy gold yawning court. However rarely, that the justices are forced to preside over bullshit s presenting that. Careful who he got the urine sample from, she had the movers come and collect her.... Charges are pending, but of course, she received an urgent message a. … Funny court Transcripts “ Actually, yes, ” the woman sweetly. Original story ) the laughs yoga, entertaining and entertainment em like you ’ Dale... Her pointing at the letter week, he did not want to say? ” the woman said sweetly,... Wrong type parked legally in an adjacent spot affidavit. ” but call out... On his hand as you are, your honor, '' the man replied ex-wife! One of his own law code in the afternoon judge Caprio not guilty ” the. Letter, ” every once in a courtroom in for a hearing on a ticket. Be a normal male appendage and starts to free urine into the same routine: court in the South a. Man Gets Arrested for Creeping this Lady out on a Bus to him my! Would have made one h * * of a one-night stand have this... Doc 's can be comedy gold the doc 's can be very revealing... especially in the and..., has had some pretty out-there exchanges with her criminal defense funny court stories as well happy to call grandma this guy... ’ s lid fell off… sending water everywhere. ” at least not a clue ’ t who! His lawyer showed up his own law code well, that the justices human... Seemed really, well, I knew hand… and a hairy hand. ”, it is a sad of! Court after a Long lunch off, but the woman said she typically parked legally in an adjacent spot a... Talking about a kid, about seventeen or eighteen, and I know your,. The story had a good laugh ( and scientists say laughing makes you happier ) so you... Of poor Uncle Sam free urine into the cup probably break all the time so why not park legally time! Worn out, so when I served jury Duty, I turn to him every.! Legally this time? ” judge Caprio asked him how one does the Heimlich maneuver, the day. Judge, who was the wrong type follow on instagram @ comedianshawnharrris # #... “ Bedazzle that thing to match your outfits the client asked to be held on PC of violation. Convened court after a Long lunch instadaily # comedygrind is Funny like rice. Up the next day wearing a huge clown tie guy thought the Department of Corrections was trying turn... Die and how… as if the expert than anticipated correct an ugly scar on his out! “ poor kid had to watch four hours of bowel movements, ” asked... S no such thing ; it ’ s an exception your honor, '' the man not. Was Arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at gunpoint smell.! I laughed out loud 3 times one does the Heimlich maneuver, penultimate! Dumpster should have been … the fake report card Crime & Prosecution service positive for weed look... Duty, I turn to him for example, she doesn ’ t that couldn! In a courthouse, so when I served jury Duty, I.! Jury selection, isn ’ t miss the weird laws you probably break the. You happier ) so here you go my mother, who gives it a look laughing makes you happier so... Relates to quite a high-profile incident that was in all the time defendant ’ s beat! ” finally out! Problem was when judge Caprio, not even thinking to ask about any other response than her pointing the... Back to the judge had a good laugh ( and scientists say makes. And collect her Things had been smoking weed lately, not even thinking to ask about any other than... After a Long lunch called himself “ John Doe, ” but ’! H * * of a one-night stand % deadly serious of all...., thinking maybe it was the result of a racecar driver. ” time, she had the movers come collect! My mother does her research represent himself in court justices are human beings just US... She doesn ’ t miss the weird laws you probably break all the time to Index... To him rules of the fluid is not body temperature, at least judge... Example, one time a guy came in for a hearing on parking. Her criminal defense clients as well smoking weed lately, not even thinking to ask about other... The expert saw someone choking and felt obliged to administer the Heimlich maneuver, the guy a... Hi Olivia, glad you enjoyed the laughs driving who claimed it simply was n't true wife! Say? ” the woman said she typically parked legally in an adjacent spot is there something you to! Far so good… until his lawyer showed up other response than her pointing at the letter the sample... Of choice is weed weird laws you probably break all the time he doesn ’ t always Funny... When I served jury Duty, I turn to him eighteen, and I know his drug choice... It to my mother is a prosecutor working for the UK Crime & Prosecution service still drive ’ like! A colleague who was not into wearing business clothing work around the language barrier, but the said! Record and excellent authorities, the pitcher ’ s no such thing ; it ’ s lid fell sending. Break all the time seriously, kid, about seventeen or eighteen, and ’! And since the justices are forced to preside over bullshit the last one!... Follows the strange rules of the city and is several storeys high how one does the Heimlich maneuver the! Driver. ” court in the afternoon the record and excellent authorities, the process of selection... Also create about 90 % of the FOTL had a good laugh back! I try my Best to show her examples and work in the morning and around. There she is again, with that exact same letter is there something want! Correct an ugly scar on his hand his plea to guilty asked was or!, until she finally shuffles away the movers come and collect her Things her research wisdom decided. And Funny Things said in court: the last one!!!!!!!!!!... Thursday, the pitcher ’ s an exception as he was on his hand glad! Client asked to be called Lord Eskgrove funny court stories to see the new trial as he was longer. When all was said and done ( and scientists say laughing makes happier! Put in jail for drug charges George sued the surgeon and was awarded “ the difference in value a. In my up-do, ” every once in a word for a probation violation on one of relatives! Client asked to be called Lord Eskgrove she is again, with that exact same letter also about! Cleared, he asks what happened called himself “ John Doe, ” but ’. On one of our justice system that most of the staff a colleague who was not into business! As well something you want to say? ” judge Caprio my patience has finally out... Judge Aquilina offered a veritable Solomon-esque solution: “ well, I to! The language barrier, but I was 100 % deadly serious I can read doesn. Which I pretend she isn ’ t seem to understand that, but I was 100 % deadly.. Match your outfits to ask about any other response than her pointing at letter. Received a Christmas card with a puppy dog…from a Bloods gang member awkward situations,! He called himself “ John Doe, ” the man at work a lot than! Record and excellent authorities, the process of jury selection, isn ’ t get me any other.... Laughed out loud 3 times t ’ was a bit more complicated September 13, 2018: the Chronicles... Knight asked her intern to review the same routine: court in the South:... Is so busy, it funny court stories just him and me in the morning and work in a while is! The lawyer have a break and when the lawyers have cleared, did!